the college experience???

So i am up here at IU sitting in the dorm before my next class. I am just biding time by checking facebook and email, etc. I hear sirens for the millionth time today and think, "geez, who is getting killed now?" it's beyond ridiculous. i can hear the guy down the hall singing about "putting his dick into Brad's mom's butt." what THE hell? and now, right now, as i am writing this the sirens have begun again! i just don't understand. In the three weeks that I've been here, there have already been several rapes, robberies, and attempted murders. honestly, stop breaking the law you stupid assholes! go get a life, get a job, like everyone else. all i hear about are these girls, pretty girls, turning to alcohol and promiscuity to get attention. and it just makes me so sad. i know very well that i could choose to be doing the same things. i have been invited to the same frat parties, i could take the same risks. but i understand that it's just that. a RISK. when you are drunk, you lose control, not only over yourself, but control of the situation. then you get raped by some frat guy and his friends, who are also presumably drunk. and all of you wonder who's fault this is. of course the guys will be blamed, because it is ILLEGAL in the state of indiana to have sex with someone who is inebriated and cannot give informed, logical, sober consent to have sex. it is considered rape. this is just one of the many things that can happen to you when you put yourself in a situation with people you don't know, getting drunk, and expecting things to turn out okay. you could get kidnapped, you could get alcohol poisoning if you dont know how much you've had or how much of which proof you've had. and even when you're getting drunk with people you do know, everyone acts different when they're drunk or high, so the people you think you know could be acting totally different and let something happen to you. you simply cannot rely on others all the time. why take the unnecessary risk for a night you're not even going to remember? the only way you really will remember a truly drunken night is if something truly unusual happens, which is typically not good. if this is "the college experience," then i want no part in it. i'm here to get an education, make decent reliable friends, and be successful. if you can't have a good time without drinking, then you clearly have no imagination.

Victoria Secret Models and Body image!

Hey guys its Dr. Kinky!

Victoria Secret Models piss me off beyond words. Typically I will go to VS to get some cute underwear and nice bras. They fit well and feel nice, though quite overpriced. Whether I walk into the store or check my email and get a message from them, I am bombarded with their overly airbrushed thin, tan, skinny models.

Guys and girls go to VS and sometimes even little kids with their moms! What pisses me off is that no matter what age you are, these images get stuck in your mind and change the way you think. The human mind stores every single thing you see as a picture. It is just the recall of these images that depends on the number of times you see the image. So these fake skinny models (yes, fake skinny because they are airbrushed to look that thin) are what the world views as "hot", "sexy" and "beautiful". Boys and men assume that these are how women should look in bed. Newsflash, we do not look like that. You can't be a 00 with 32D boobs and a big butt. I don't think it works that way.

These ultra photoshopped models are who we the normal women of this world have to compete with for sexual attention. It's impossible for any woman even the models to look like the women in these pictures! This is why women have to spend hours getting dressed in the morning to make sure they don't look fat. This is why jean shopping is such a hassle, because women have to make sure their thighs look skinny, but their hips look wider and their butt looks big. This is why girls with A cup boobs always feel so bad about themselves compared to their larger endowed friends. This is why some women prefer certain sexual positions to hide where they think they look fatter even if it means compromising their sexual pleasure. And cue all of the unhealthy fad diets. Eating disorders also develop as a result of the constant pressure to conform to look a certain way.

I am pretty sure that men don't have the same standards to keep up with. Most of my girlfriends, though we drool over men with six packs, prefer to have partners that don't have "perfect" abs or "perfect" features. My girlfriends feel this way, because they say it takes the pressure off of them to look perfect and amazing all the time. So they feel pressure to look perfect for men, but no matter how a man looks, he wouldn't pass up the opportunity to be with a woman who looked like the ideal beauty pageant girl. Men in my view have a preconceived notion that women are supposed to look a certain way and they look for these traits in a future partner. Women seem to be more forgiving about a male partner's looks. Sure you are a little chubby around the waste but you are such a sweetheart. Whereas men, "Sure you are a little chubby around the waste...you better give me really good blowjobs". Women can be quite mean and rude when commenting about the appearance of males, but I feel that women seem to be more forgiving than men.

I have definitely taken measures to try to conform to how society wants me to look. I get my nails done at least once a month, my hair cut by a stylist, get my eyebrows done once a month, workout, wear makeup when I want to meet guys, etc. Although I don't think I will stop doing all of these things, my view on them has changed. I no longer go out in sweats with no makeup and think omg no guy will want to approach me since I look like crap, but instead I think, if he wants to get with me he is going to have to see my when I look gorgeous but also when I look like complete shit, might as well get used to the latter.

I think women have the ability to change the parameters by which society views our beauty by working together. Why hasn't a VS model asked if VS can have an ad campaign that features real women wearing their bras and underwear? Why hasn't a VS model asked if VS would stop photoshopping her so that her thighs are unnaturally skinny? If they have, what has held back these things from happening?

Please let me know what you guys think!
Lots of love,

Dr. Kinky

"an airing of grievances if you will..."

these are not in any order of importance. just had to get these off my mind.
I DO NOT LIKE:

1. guys who add girls on facebook just because they think the girl's profile pic is hot
2. girls who give in to guys' pervertedness by ex. working at hooters, getting drunk and letting guys take advantage, beauty contests, acting slutty to get attention, flirting with guys who have girlfriends
3.girls who dye their hair blonde and get fake boobs or plastic surgery of any kind
4. guys who would date any girl
5. people who drink because they don't know how else to have fun
6. people who have sex before marriage
7. people who don't stand up for anything
8. people who don't have any beliefs or values
9. people who follow the crowd...i like leaders
10. guys who have dumbass friends
11. dumbass friends
12. guys who create facebook events like "beer, tits, rave" and invite all us freshmen girls expecting us to go and degrade ourselves for their amusement.
13. girls who go to these parties
14. people who don't listen
15. guys who just want to nail a girl
16. guys who treat you well for the first six months and then don't bother to open a door or be sweet to you afterwards
17. guys who just do what everyone else tells them
18. people who are controlling
19. people who are too dependent
20. people who sabotage themselves and then claim to be victims
21. people who don't think before they act
22. guys who don't get this:
      gf: hey are you coming over tonight
     bf: no, im going home
     gf: oh..ok :(
     bf: yeah so whats up
     gf:....(thinking wtf? did he not get that i wanted him to come over?)
     bf: (clearly lost because he cant take a hint by reading the frown on his gf's face when he said he
            wasn't coming over or by her sad response) DUHHHHH
            THINK, DUDE, THINK!
     Gf goes home by herself and thinks of how he must not want to be with her. Guy could have just said             he wanted to go home and see his friends. or he could see she was upset by him saying no and come over.

23. Guys who are too macho
24. Mommy's boys
25. guys who go to strip clubs
26. people who do drugs
27. people who smoke
28. guys who watch porn
29. guys who sext random chicks
30. guys who checkout other girls when they have a gf
31. guys who go to hooters
32. guys and anyone who lies to someone and hurts them
33. people who cheat
34. people who are passive aggressive
35. people who are cowards
36. people who don't fight for what they love/ who they love
37. quitters. life takes determination.

Family.

Seriously, what is family?
A) Dysfunctional
B) Controlling
C) Loving
D) All of the above

Depending on how you answer this multiple choice question, family could be just one specific thing to you, or they could be everything. Family can be anything from the people who don't care what you do to the people who control every single thing. Family can be the people who beat you down until you have no self esteem or the people who coddle you and make you think you're God's gift to the earth. Family can be the people who go their separate ways, making their own individual marks on the world. Or, they can be the people who must do everything together.

To me, they are the people who butt into your life and never stop bothering you, even after they ruin life as you knew it. They drive you crazy until you leave them, and once you do, whaddaya know? It's not them that are lonely, it's you. And believe it or not, you still miss them. Or at least you miss how they used to be. Before all this insanity. Before life. It's like you knew them before they were alive and miss the people they were then. When they were pure. When they were people who hadn't lied to you for your entire existence. However, you are the lonely one, they have each other. To gang up on you. And they never apologize. Even if their actions caused you to move away and not speak to them for years at a time. Your whole life, they've told you to toughen up and get over things. And now you know why. They were just preparing you for what they were going to put you through.

              I realized all of this in my mind on the way home tonight. I had just gone out with my boyfriend and his family (who is of course much different than mine). His family is very involved. They want to know everything he's doing, who it's with, and why, why, why??? They are like detectives that inspect his life and maids that clean it up. He has one of those mothers that has done everything for him and always will. On the surface, it seems so great. It's like wow, this sweet family does everything together. But underneath that, it appears to be a bit controlling. And although it is controlling, it is never him that they criticize. Nothing is ever his fault. It is the people around him to blame. If something is wrong, it is his friends' fault. or my fault. or the coach's fault. or the teacher's fault. or the fault of circumstance. Coming from a family, where I have always been criticized, I feel like this guy is going to have a rude awakening when he gets to the real world. But then I realized that I was wrong. He will never live in the real world. He lives in this cocoon that his family has built. Where they all live. And part of me loves that. He never has to face anything alone. He is always in the right, even when he's wrong. He's always happy, even when he's sad. 

However, part of me is scared of it. It's almost a scenario from the Stepford Wives. It's not reality. It's Disney World. And while Disney World is a great place, who wants to live there? I suppose it would be nice to have someone do everything for you, but how do you ever learn to do anything for yourself? You would never know how to speak up for yourself, and it's not like you can call your mom or dad to come and take care of it. I mean, I suppose you could, but that would just be embarrassing. You are about to be unleashed into the world to go to college and havent been away from your cocoon of family for more than four days. Is that really how most kids are when they leave for college? or am i just that bizarre kid who was away from their family all the time? Perhaps I am too independent, but i have never known anything else but being away from my family for weeks at a time during the summer, and now years at a time. 

Perhaps I just don't like the concept of family. I don't want to be forced into awkward family situations, family reuinions, parties, etc. I never know what to say. I don't like being around someone who I have to pretend to like or care about. I don't like pretending to like things or places that I don't actually like. I feel that family should be the people that you choose. The people who like you for who you are and what makes you who you are. Not for who you pretend to be or what you pretend to like. For me, family is my group of closest friends. I rely on nobody else but me.

Why blog??

Hey guys,

This is Dr. Kinky! I just wanted to introduce myself before posting some of the more serious stuff. I am going to be going to Smith College this fall for a biochem and math double major with premed (hopefully! idk if I will die before doing all of those things)!  I am so excited to be going to a place filled with amazing and inspiring women. It is actually one woman I met last summer at Smith that changed my perspective on life and a lot of issues. I will love her for forever and more, because she made me examine my world and realize that I wanted to share my experiences with the blogging world. She has her own blog, and you guys can contact me for more info to check it out!

Okay so why start blogging? As I mentioned a wonderful woman from Smith introduced me to the blogging world, but a recent event happened to me that really made me push to start blogging. I work in a large urban campus near by where I live. I do research at a hospital and it's great. I walk about 15 minutes from where I park to get to work. Every time I walk, both in the morning and evening, I get catcalled. I ignore it for the most part, but one day it got scary as someone approached me and said something very inappropriate, that made me scared for my well being. I was so close to tears. Why? I was sick of being objectified every single fucking day. Why can't I walk down the street in peace? I gave no consent or impression of wanting to have sex, so leave me the fuck alone...please. I really felt nasty, gross and sick to my stomach. Even though I did nothing wrong, I felt dirty. No one should let another person make them feel this way. But why are there such nasty people in society who are not being reprimanded for their actions? It's because no one including their parents ever taught them or is going to teach them that what they are doing is wrong and despicable. I was walking out a job that was paying me to think and come up with novel ideas for research, a job in which i was being paid for my mind. I found it disgusting that when I walked out of a job like that and went to my car all the outside world saw me as, was a piece of meat.

Any feedback guys? How do you guys deal with situations like this? I am really curious to know.

Lots of love,
Dr.Kinky

I want to change...everything

There are those weeks in life where the days are flying by, but maybe an hour our of one of those days seems like an eternity. You feel yourself getting stuck in this time warp, thinking of all the responsibilities of your current reality and to-do lists, the hurdles you're quickly approaching ahead. However, before you have to jump them, you wonder why you can't just be in Africa this week, bringing people clean water or helping those in poverty. You wonder why the next week you can't be in the Middle East, leading a women's rights campaign. You wonder why you can't be where people are needed, doing things that are important to the world, right this second. Instead you're about to go to college, to study some information, to hopefully graduate and get a career that will make you "successful." In the big picture, it makes you feel really insignificant. Education is important, but the problem is that not enough people actually take action with their education. Sure, they get a job in the corner office, complete paperwork and projects, but is it really so important?? I think we are just happy to have people actually doing something with their lives, that it doesn't really matter what that is. Definitions of success are subjective, after all. It just disappoints me when I see women who think they are successful because they are admired by men, whether as a model or as a Hooters girl. The other day, my boyfriend and I went to Hooters, the first and LAST time for me. I had just gotten my hair cut and met up with him. He happened to have a gift card to there, and I wasn't going to pass up a free meal, so I decided to give the place a chance. The girl who seated us didn't appear stereotypically "skanky," and I thought, how bad can this really be? However, as she got our drink orders and brought back the menus displaying more pictures of half-naked girls than food, I had second thoughts. The more I looked around, the more I saw: dirty old men sitting in the corner, drinking a beer and watching the girls and practically drooling. the pictures of half-naked girls with fake boobs plastered all over the walls. the sound of nothing but sports channels on the tvs. Then, there were the girls, many of them had bleach blonde hair, the kind that comes cheap out of a box. tattoos. piercings. breasts held up to their chins, popping out of their tank tops. butt cheeks hanging out of their bikini bottom-sized shorts. It was just disappointing. Sickening. My stomach churned as if it was threatening to give up lunch from earlier in the day. My boyfriend looked at me, asking if I was okay, because my eyes were as big as the O's on the HOOTERS sign. the eyes of that owl outside. ah, outside! that was where I had to be. and i was off, leaving him at the table stunned, throwing some money down for our drinks before chasing after me. When he got into my car, I snapped, "You disgusting pig!" I yelled. It wasn't his fault. His dad had been taking him there since he was 4, which led me to my rant. Why don't these women know that they could do something with their lives, they could be intelligent, they could do something besides be men's toys! They did not have to serve them in these degrading little outfits! Why did Hooters only hire women to wait tables, why were their no male waiters??? Why did people support this? Why is my boyfriend accustomed to women serving him in disgusting little outfits, designed by men, to show their bodies in such a way as to be perversely stared at and mocked??? More importantly, why do these women agree to work there? I know they need the money, but honestly, places like Hooters shouldn't exist. Why do parents allow their children to eat at a place where women are presented in such a way? They barely wear any more than strippers do, and at least at strip clubs, you have to be 21 to get in. If there was a restaurant for women, where men served us food in their underwear, their testicles and penises popping out,  and the shopping network/ E! on constantly, men would not go there. In fact, I bet they would forbid their wives and girlfriends to go there. Yet somehow, women feel like they have to go and eat with their boyfriends at this place where they drink beer, eat wings, watch sports, and stare at other women. It's considered normal. and it's even worse when the men go by themselves, they can get drunk and flirt with the girls, some of whom at a local restaurant I know were giving men oral sex behind the restaurant's dumpsters. How can we be expected to trust men who go to places like these? And then they call us "paranoid." If the tables were turned, men would throw a fit! Thus concludes, my Hooters rant, something I want to change, a place I would like to see shut down...

This is the problem with the definition of success, women allow men's opinions to define success. being successful doesn't necessarily mean being beautiful, having what men consider the ideal female body, being a housewife, or making millions from being on Jersey Shore. Success, to me, is having confidence, whether you feel beautiful or not. Own it. Don't be intimidated by the next pretty girl who walks into the room. She is human, she has moments of insecurity just like everyone else. Dream big. Don't make your dreams "more realistic" because someone tells you that you just can't do that. Aim for as high as you can go, and make sure you do what makes you happy. Never strive for someone else's definition of success; everyone's is unique. I know I am successful if I inspire at least one person in the world to champion a cause, to push a little further, to reach their potential. Decide what is going to make your feel your best, to feel positive, to feel accomplished. Do it. Succeed.

Penis Envy

Upon reading the name of this blog, one would wonder about its bizarre name. Well, allow me to explain...

First, let's begin by discussing the definition of penis envy. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, penis envy is "the supposed coveting of the penis by a young human female which is held in Freudian psychoanalytic theory to lead to feelings of inferiority and defensive or compensatory behavior." 

The term "penis envy" has commonly been used whenever women question whether or not they are being treated fairly. For example, a woman may ask her boss why the men in the office all get paid more than she does. Later, the boss may be speaking with the other men, saying something like this: "Oh yeah, Ms. Conners is questioning why you guys get paid more than her. Bitch has a case of penis envy."

This is but one example of the kind of behavior that many males today exhibit, a superiority over the entire female race, regardless of ethnicity or religion. It is not the intention of this blog to offend men, for good men do exist. The purpose of this blog is to speak out against misogynism and to discuss an array of issues young women currently face. Hate and inequality are two of the worst problems in society, and nobody deserves mistreatment.