Family.

Seriously, what is family?
A) Dysfunctional
B) Controlling
C) Loving
D) All of the above

Depending on how you answer this multiple choice question, family could be just one specific thing to you, or they could be everything. Family can be anything from the people who don't care what you do to the people who control every single thing. Family can be the people who beat you down until you have no self esteem or the people who coddle you and make you think you're God's gift to the earth. Family can be the people who go their separate ways, making their own individual marks on the world. Or, they can be the people who must do everything together.

To me, they are the people who butt into your life and never stop bothering you, even after they ruin life as you knew it. They drive you crazy until you leave them, and once you do, whaddaya know? It's not them that are lonely, it's you. And believe it or not, you still miss them. Or at least you miss how they used to be. Before all this insanity. Before life. It's like you knew them before they were alive and miss the people they were then. When they were pure. When they were people who hadn't lied to you for your entire existence. However, you are the lonely one, they have each other. To gang up on you. And they never apologize. Even if their actions caused you to move away and not speak to them for years at a time. Your whole life, they've told you to toughen up and get over things. And now you know why. They were just preparing you for what they were going to put you through.

              I realized all of this in my mind on the way home tonight. I had just gone out with my boyfriend and his family (who is of course much different than mine). His family is very involved. They want to know everything he's doing, who it's with, and why, why, why??? They are like detectives that inspect his life and maids that clean it up. He has one of those mothers that has done everything for him and always will. On the surface, it seems so great. It's like wow, this sweet family does everything together. But underneath that, it appears to be a bit controlling. And although it is controlling, it is never him that they criticize. Nothing is ever his fault. It is the people around him to blame. If something is wrong, it is his friends' fault. or my fault. or the coach's fault. or the teacher's fault. or the fault of circumstance. Coming from a family, where I have always been criticized, I feel like this guy is going to have a rude awakening when he gets to the real world. But then I realized that I was wrong. He will never live in the real world. He lives in this cocoon that his family has built. Where they all live. And part of me loves that. He never has to face anything alone. He is always in the right, even when he's wrong. He's always happy, even when he's sad. 

However, part of me is scared of it. It's almost a scenario from the Stepford Wives. It's not reality. It's Disney World. And while Disney World is a great place, who wants to live there? I suppose it would be nice to have someone do everything for you, but how do you ever learn to do anything for yourself? You would never know how to speak up for yourself, and it's not like you can call your mom or dad to come and take care of it. I mean, I suppose you could, but that would just be embarrassing. You are about to be unleashed into the world to go to college and havent been away from your cocoon of family for more than four days. Is that really how most kids are when they leave for college? or am i just that bizarre kid who was away from their family all the time? Perhaps I am too independent, but i have never known anything else but being away from my family for weeks at a time during the summer, and now years at a time. 

Perhaps I just don't like the concept of family. I don't want to be forced into awkward family situations, family reuinions, parties, etc. I never know what to say. I don't like being around someone who I have to pretend to like or care about. I don't like pretending to like things or places that I don't actually like. I feel that family should be the people that you choose. The people who like you for who you are and what makes you who you are. Not for who you pretend to be or what you pretend to like. For me, family is my group of closest friends. I rely on nobody else but me.